Peace Corps Post - January 31, 2004

January 31, 2004 - Saturday
9:04pm - Homestay

Man, this is some crazy shit. Talk about cultural differences. There are big brawls going on outside because, from what I could gather, this father hit his baby, the mother got mad and I think started yelling at him, and then they got in a physical fight where people had to separate them. They continued to get in fights, though, and then he was chasing her around with a stick trying to hit her. That's when Ismael told me I had to "rentrer" to my room. Everyone was sort of laughing as it happened, but I think that's their way of dealing with it, because as they were laughing they told me to go into my room. Very strange for a culture that is supposed to hate violence so much! I was kind of surprised that the wife was yelling at her husband as much as she was; that seemed quite unusual for this culture to me, but what do I know? It seems to have subsided for now. How weird.

So last night was really fun. Trayle, Ilona and Brian made dinner for all of us health volunteers and bought us red boxed wine. The dinner was pasta salad and was so delicious. We were all chowing down out of three bowls with our hands and having a blast. That's the most I've eaten since we left Philly and it was so nice to feel full for once!

On a side note: I think my brother, Ismael, is a really good guy. I think my family is in general, but he is so patient with me and watches out for me, etc. I hope he doesn't pull any sketchy can-I-come-to-America-with-you stuff, because right now I really like the friendship we're developing. I also really like his friend (cousin?) Albert. He is equally patient and likes to try and speak English and is very helpful with my homework and stuff. I think they're both very smart, so that probably helps. Like tonight when the shit hit the fan Ismael was like, "We'll play tomorrow. Tonight there was war." Wow, that translates so crappy in English. I've already begun the franglais thing because it's true, some words just say it better in other languages.

So...I have a lot of catching up to do in this here journal. Yesterday for health we went on a field trip. First we went to a hospital where we interviewed the woman who ran the maternity ward and the surgeon. We saw a woman come out from surgery on a stretcher with the tumor they had just removed from her sitting in a plastic bag underneath the stretcher. That's something you don't see everyday in the States. The facility itself was very nice and clean, but I guess this place was unusual.

Then we went to the health center, which is the next step down [in cascading structure of health facilities in Guinea]. It was pretty basic, but not as basic as the health post here in Gbereyire. Oy, that was interesting. Basically a one room place with next to nothing. We will most likely be at a place like that. 'Twill be interesting!

Today was our internet trip into Conakry. Conakry is still way out of my comfort zone and I have a hard time imagining it ever in my comfort zone. It is really overwhelming in many, many ways. I'm glad we're getting exposed to it little by little, because it's a scary place!

Getting to write home, though, was good. I always leave with mixed feelings about it, but I'm glad to know that my family gets to hear from me, because now I'm worried sick that they're worried sick about me! Not having talked to them on the phone in 2.5 weeks is probably some kind of record. Crazy that I'm going to have to get used to this. I haven't been totally craving the phone yet, though, because I know I can't call home yet, I think. I almost don't want to call home until I really feel like I need to, because I know that's going to be a tough phone call. It's nice to think of the fam coming to visit, but also really scary. I honestly don't know how they would feel about this place. The money and time issues aside (which are big ones), I wonder if they were only here for a little while if they would get used to this at all. If they would be able to see past the poverty and the overwhelmingness and come to appreciate what I'm hoping/assuming I will appreciate about this place by then. I don't know, it's sort of daunting, but hopefully I will feel better about it all at site. Putting my family in a bush tax, though...that could be interesting. I can't wait to find out our sites in a few weeks. CRAZY!!

I'm very tired, but I don't want to forget to write about the ex-pat grocery store. It was so money, and everything was so expensive, but it was good to know it was there. Ice cream tasted quite delicious as did the snickers. I can't wait to make Milo at site! Ok, hopefully more tomorrow or Monday after fete de Tabaschi (or something).

**Oh man. It is so hard to know whether to add my comments to this entry now or wait until you see for yourselves how everything unfolds. One thing I have already noticed in how bipolar my entries can be from one to the other. I definitely had that feeling the whole two years, but I'm surprised to see it reflected in my writing so early.**

Peace Corps Post - January 27 (?), 2004

January 27th (?), 2004 - Wednesday
9:08pm - Homestay

So as much as I complain about my host family, I really do like them. I think a lot of me feeling like they don't give me any freedom was my being scared to offend them. Last night my dad was really cool about me going to Liz's and I realize that he's the only one who really seems to care anyway. But I think the novelty of me is wearing off for him, thank god, because he has been less in my face the past few days.

I really don't like taking that malaria medication. Last night, after taking it at lunch, I was all sorts of paranoid. There were bugs in my room and I was severely overreacting. It was weird, because I knew I was overreacting because of the medication, but at the same time, there was nothing I could do to stop how I was feeling. I freaked out and woke up my host family and everything because I thought it was a mouse. Boy did I feel stupid when it was only two little bugs. They were very nice about it, though, and today we all just laughed about it. I had a hard time sleeping as well because I just felt very anxious all night long. So it was hard for me today to tell if I was tired because of the lack of sleep or because of the malaria meds. It sucks, but I guess the symptoms are supposed to get better. I also might start taking it in the mornings so it has more time to process before I sleep. I guess all of these side effects are better than getting malaria, though?

Today I got my first mail. Boy was that unexpected! I got a package and a letter from my mom that had only been sent on the 12th! I still think it's a small miracle that it got here this fast and in one piece. There was sooo much candy, so I am very excited to eat it for Valentine's Day! I can't wait to email my mom on Saturday and tell her I got it all in one peice. I'm also really excited knowing my family is hopefully going to receive my package soon. Relying completely on the kindness of strangers for that one [I had sent a package home to be hand carried by an American heading back to the US].

So I'm feeling better about my French. Although I hate having four hours in a row of French class in the morning, my teacher, Passy, is great and very patient and we learn very useful things. Talking with my host family every night is great practice for what I've learned that day and I already feel more confident in my speaking and I know I am learning things and getting better, I can see it everyday. So that is nice/exciting. I also got the first sense today that I might actually be able to do this. I was talking with Albert and Ismael while doing my homework and basically decided to try and do my TDA [does anyone remember what this stands for?] right then and there. We actually had a comprehensive, informative and productive convesation about health related issues and I could see myself doing this at site with boys of that age who I've gotten to know, and who know me and just teaching them things through casual conversation. It was great feeling this way knowing that I don't even have all of the necessary language skills yet. I'm very excited to do these things once I have all of the language skills as well.

The current Peace Corps Volunteers made us banana bread today and damn was it good! I cannot wait to cook for myself. The health PCVs are going to cook dinner for us on Friday and I cannot WAIT!! I'm so hungry all the time that I've taken to living off cookies. Ugh. Again, can't wait to cook for myself. Well, I'm very tired, so I'm going to try and go to bed with no paranoid thoughts now. More later.

Peace Corps Post - January 26, 2004

January 26, 2004 - Monday
1:15pm
Gbereyire

Not sure if that's how you spell it, but it looks right. I really need to start writing in this more often so I don't have so much to write all the time, but I have so little free time that I never get a chance to. My host family likes to monopolize all of my free time and in the little free time I steal for myself I'm often trying to dash off a letter to try and send ASAP because it takes so long for them to make it home. Ugh. So yeah, this past weekend was interesting. My family basically wanted to spend every free second with me, but I was good in setting some boundaries and taking time for myself. I feel like I never just go and do anything guilt free, though, because they will inevitably comment on it. I guess I just have to get over them commenting on it and let them get used to it. Independent women definitely clash with this culture. We have all noticed many examples of the men challenging us women and our actions. It's very difficult, because we don't want to be rude, but we also don't want to be dominated. We've basically been told not to worry about it and err on the side of being rude because the Susu are very forgiving and we would rather set the tone for the rest of the time here and be happy than try and establish independence later. I keep trying to remember that this is supposed to be a cultural exchange, so they should learn about American women being independent.

7:26pm (cont.)
So I came outside to write and I have six children around me, just watching. It's like nothing I do isn't interesting and worth watching. Intently. I'm hoping the novelty wears off eventually, but I don't know.

9:58pm (cont.)
Good lord. Not a free moment around here to write a complete thought uninterrupted. Well this is the first night I haven't been expected to sit around and "blague" [joke] all night long. I went on a walk with my father and Ingrid's dad, not really knowing what was going on, but ended up at the President's [of the village] house. Nicole lives there, so I actually had a really good time talking to her. We are on very similar pages on a lot of things, so I would like to get to know her better. Today was a long day because we had the same class all morning and then language class all afternoon. I like the classes when we're all together because I miss seeing everyone and I miss our group dynamic when we're not all together.

My 11 year old brother told me told me today that I am his first choice for his chérie. I didn't really know how to take that, so I laughed and promptly shut him down by telling him I was too old for him. I'd be much more worried if it was the 19 year old, but the 11 year old doesn't worry me too much. It's amazing to me how eager the Guineans are to up and marry the first American who comes along. I don't know what that says about them or their culture, but I do think that "having" an American, in any way, is a definite status thing, which is also very strange. What is the US doing, as a culture, to make itself so desirable? I'm sure this will be something I think about a lot over the next two years, just like I did in Australia.

Well I'm mad tired so I'm going to rest up for yet another long day of language tomorrow. At least we get to eat with everyone tomorrow. But we also have to take the mefloquin [malaria prophylaxis] tomorrow, so I will probably feel like crap after I take it and on Wednesday. Hopefully not, but we'll see!

Peace Corps Post - January 19, 2004

January 19, 2004 - Monday
6:31pm
Homestay - 1st Night

Ok, I realized I have no idea how to spell the name of the town I am in right now, so hopefully that will come later. I know I am going to wish I had more documentation of this first week later, but we have just been so busy that I haven't had time. I've hardly gotten any sleep since we got here anyway and that's without writing in my journal every night.

Well I'm sitting here writing this entry at my desk in my hut on the first night of my homestay. All I really want to do is go to bed, but I don't think going to bed at 6:30 is a good idea. I'm going to try and wait until at least 8:00. We've been told they'll probably wake us up around 5:30am, so that's something to look forward to.

Today has been quite a crazy day. We woke up early again in Tasana and had to have our bags out by 7:15. Packing up all of my crap again was not easy. We had breakfast and then left for the homestay around 9. We stopped at a gas station to buy some things and at the PC office during training to go to the bathroom before we left for the adoption ceremony. I don't think any of us were ready for that. We pulled up to a building with lots of people standing outside. When we got off the bus everyone was clapping and we went into the building. I didn't realize we were literally walking into the adoption ceremony and was a bit taken aback with all of the people and the noise. There was a band and a stage and people clapping and I could see why people sometimes cry! It was a lot to take in and I was very nervous knowing I was about to meet my host family. They made us all get up and dance a few times, which was weird and awkward, then people gave speeches, and then we finally got to meet our host family. My father, Abdoulay, mother M'Mah, and brother Ismael all came to meet me. They are very nice, but the mother only speaks Susu so I haven't had much contact with her. I feel kind of bad because I think Ismael has sort of been assigned to me, but there's obviously not a lot I can do about it. He definitely thinks I'm an idiot, though, because he sat me down to teach me "je," "tu," "il," "elle," etc tonight. Thanks for the 7th grade French lesson. My new name, by the way, is Fatim. Try to get used to responding to a new name after 23 years. Not easy.

So we had this weird little lunch after the ceremony that was very spicy and made me sweat more than I already was. Then there was lots of confusion, partially due to my crappy French, about what was happening next. We ended up getting into a PC van and being driven back here (where I don't know how to spell it) and then waited for our luggage.

I then got brought back to the compound. At this point I still had no idea what anyone's name was or who was related to who or how. There were a bazillion little kids running around and I didn't know if they were my father's kids or neighborhood kids or what. I still don't, really. They showed me to my hut, which is actually a lot more than I expected! It's not attached to the house, but it is basically in the middle of everything. It's really nice having my own space, though, and they seem to respect it a lot so far. Now that I have finally said I'm going to bed and have come in here, though, people keep coming by and saying my name or some kid just shouted "How are you?" and I just didn't respond. I'm not looking forward to being woken up tomorrow, but I am looking forward to seeing my group again and not having to kill an entire half a day by myself.

I've already conquered the bucket bath. I actually like it a lot and will not have a problem with it. The latrine, however, is another story. It's actually worse than I thought, and I didn't think that was possible. It's literally a square hole in the cement and when I lifted up the cover, cockroaches scattered everywhere. AHHHH it was so gross. I actually managed to go pee, although my aim was a little off [TMI? Sorry!]. Oops. I can handle peeing during the day. Shitting in there at night while I'm sick, though...that will be another story. I am not looking forward to it and don't know how I will handle that. Not too well, I'm assuming.

Needless to say, I am completely and totally out of my comfort zone right now. I think the culture shock I never had in Australia is going to be multiplied by about 10,000 here. I've never felt so out of place in my life. I guess the fact that I'm not crying myself to sleep is good, but definitely doesn't mean I won't at some point! I really, really wish I spoke better French and had learned more Susu [Peace Corps gave us a crash course over the course of 2 or 3 days]. I really hope to treat this language training like school and therefore maybe feel more comfortable. I feel like after all of this anticipation, a quiet American who barely speaks French must be quite a let down, but what do I know. One day at a time, and this is only the first day! Eleven more weeks of this seems like an eternity. One day at a time has become my new motto. If a 57 year old can do it, I should be able to as well [that was the age of the oldest volunteer in country at that time]. Who knows, maybe I'll even get over shitting in the latrine eventually. Actually, I'm pretty sure I will.

On another note, I am really beginning to love my group. Not that I haven't liked them up until this point or anything, but everyone is just so supportive and so much fun. Yesterday I had my first passing out spell in Guinea and everyone was so great about it. Everyone was very caring and very concerned about me, which was very sweet.

Ok, well of this is getting a little overwhelming for me, so I know the best thing for me to do is to go to bed. Hopefully things will be a little better tomorrow.

Peace Corps Post - January 15, 2004

January 15, 2004
5:46am
Hotel Tassana - Outside Conakry

Well holy crap, here I am, writing by flashlight under a mosquito net at 5:46am in AFRICA!! These past few days have been such a blur, but I can't believe that I'm actually here. It's sort of like that phenomenon I had in Australia [I studied abroad in Australia for my junior year of college] where I would look at a map and still not be able to believe that I was actually living there. I slept so much on our second plane ride that I think I screwed myself over and have therefore been up since about 3am. This gives me plenty of time to catch up on all I have to say, though, so here goes:

Our staging date got pushed back from January 3rd to the 11th, which was actually great because boy oh boy did I need the extra time. My friends were so good to me before I left, it was unreal. On Friday, December 26th, we all went to Copperfields by Fenway where I thought that we were just going to see Dave's band play like we did at Thanksgiving. Boy was I wrong! It turned out to be somewhat of a surprise party for me (well, a surprise party) and so many people showed up, it was great! I was very touched that everyone had gone through all of this effort for me. Then on Saturday the 27th was my parents' going away party for me. That was pretty intense as there were so many people there and I had to answer all of the same questions over and over again. It was really nice of everyone to come, though, and really showed me how much support I have from everyone. People were also so generous and gave me gifts, cards, and money. That was quite-unexpected.

Ok, Diana and I just realized we were writing by flashlight unnecessarily, because we have electricity. More on that later.

So then on December 30th, Martina came to visit. It was great to see her, I just wish it could have been longer and less hectic. Then there was New Years and moving out of the house in Somerville and the week o' ridiculous hectic packing and last minute affairs arranging began. I've never been so busy or felt so stressed out/overwhelmed in my life. So many little things to do like make a list of my passwords because I will inevitably forget them and bring all of the paperwork I might need for two years with me in addition to trying to figure out what the heck to pack to live comfortably for over two years in the second poorest country in the world. Insanity.

As I'm doing all of this, everyone and their mother of course wants to have a meal or hang out to fit in their saying goodbye time. From about Monday on I got fairly emotional about the whole thing. I was still very excited, but I think the reality of going away for such an extended period of time really hit me. It's not only the extended period of time thing, but also the knowledge that I'm going to have very infrequent contact with anyone. At least in Australia I talked to the fam once a week and could call anyone else I wanted whenever. That's obviously not happening here.

So after much ado and my friend giving me an amazing book they had all put together for me, on Friday, January 9th, I was off to Philly to visit Liza for two days before staging.  It was really good to see her as well and have some time to get my thoughts in order before starting this new adventure. She dropped me off at the hotel on Sunday, January 11th, and all of a sudden I got really nervous. I don't know why, but I definitely sort of freaked out [in fact I believe the first time she pulled into the parking lot to drop me off I got so nervous that we went and got something to eat before trying the drop off for the second time]. I found a group of girls sitting around in the hotel lobby who looked Peace Corps and ended up sitting with them and quickly making some friends. That was a relief.

We had some meetings that day about general PC stuff and then were on our own around seven. A group of us went out to eat at this great Cuban place and had a really nice time. Everyone is very friendly and open-minded (and in the same position), so it's been really fun getting to know each other. There are something like 42 or 43 of us, so it's a large group. On the 12th we had more conferences all day and then were free once again around six. Five of us (Ben, Jason, me, Ingrid, and Jen O) went out to eat and then ended up going to a few bars. It was really fun hanging out with a smaller group of people and just getting to know them better.

Bright and early on the 13th we went to get our vaccinations and our blood drawn. I was a bit apprehensive of all this, but I'm glad to say it went quite well. :-) [I used to have a massive fear of needles] We got yellow fever, polio, and measles, mumps and rubella. Good times.

Then around 12:30 we got on the buses bound for NYC. We got there no problem and our flight for Paris left around 7:15pm. Besides sitting next to the biggest weirdo (15 year old from NY) on the way over and some fairly bumpy parts, the flight over wasn't that bad. We got into Paris around 8am on the 14th and had about two hours to kill before the flight to Conakry.

The flight to Conakry was packed. I was so tired at that point and slept practically the entire flight (and it was about 6 hours!). Hence the me-screwing-myself-over part.

Landing, though, was so exciting. The thought of being on a continent that most people never even visit was pretty amazing. Walking off the plane felt like the Vietnam era they portray in movies. It was hot, there were uniformed men all around, and the structure itself didn't look like it had changed much since the 60s/70s. The Country Director and others met us inside and quickly whisked us through customs. We were welcomed by current volunteers cheering, clapping, and holding a sign for us. It was so sweet of them and so uplifting after such a long ordeal of traveling.

Getting our luggage was pure chaos and took over an hour, I would say. It was all just so exciting and new, though, that I didn't mind. Even when finding out my entire shampoo bottle and half my conditioner had spilled all over my pack, I still took it in stride. :-)

When we finally had it all, we loaded up in buses to head for the hotel. We somehow hit major traffic (as if I know the traffic patterns of Conakry) and it took us about another hour to get to the hotel. What a ride that was. It's almost indescribable. Not only were we like the circus coming through with thousands of people starring and waving at us, but we (I) were completely overwhelmed by everything. The complete organized chaos of it all was just breathtaking. I really was speechless [for the first and I think only time in my life]. It was like my impression of the DR x 1,000 [I spent 10 days in the Dominican Republic in 2001 volunteering at an orphanage. That was my only developing country experience before Guinea]. I can't see myself ever fitting in or feeling comfortable walking down the street, but I think it's cool that someday hopefully I will!

We got to our "hotel" and were greeted by the entire staff singing "Welcome to Guinea." There are three of us in each "house," which basically consists of three beds with mosquito netting and a bathroom without a door. There are actually flush toilets and showers, but they are quite primitive. I should be thankful, though, because I'm sure they're the nicest facilities I'll see for the next two years.

After putting our bags down we were immediately whisked away to a "tom tom" ceremony. There were four or five men playing drums and a lot of dancers. When I arrived they were in the middle of acting out a story. Then a group of women and a group of men took turns doing these fascinatingly coordinated/intense dances that are like nothing you will ever see in the states. The heart, soul, and energy that these people put into their dancing was amazing.

(Entry continued at 11:38pm - same day)
Ok, so I got really tired and finally went back to bed for an hour at 6:30.

So to continue, the dancing was great. Then we had dinner which was very American with some pasta and salad. Then the training director welcomed us and said, "You left home to come home." I thought that was very sweet.

Today has been a lot of information, but less overwhelming and more exciting. We got two more shots which was great and then just a lot more info. Tonight most of us want to a bar which was quite the experience. I guess it was what I expected, and yet not. I dunno. I'm tired.Ok, I'm going to take a shower because I'm disgusting and hopefully get a good night's sleep [little did we know we arrived at the coolest time of year].

Peace Corps Post - December 3, 2003

I am finally going to attempt to put some of my entries from my Peace Corps journals on my blog. I have nine journals from two years of service, so don't worry, I won't be putting all of them up (you're welcome). I served in Guinea from 2004 - 2006 and have yet to reread an entire journal, so I'm a little hesitant to commit to this experiment. I'm mostly scared of having to relive the entire two years and have my feelings of having been an inadequate volunteer confirmed and/or be bored to tears by my own overanalyzation of every aspect of my entire service. I will undoubtedly heavily edit the content of some entries in order to spare myself the humiliation, to protect the names of the innocent, and to hopefully cut it down to topics I think would be of interest to the general reader. I completely recognize that this is a mostly selfish endeavor, and that six years after it ended, I'm probably the only one who remains interested in my own stories about my service. But being that I still hope to write a book someday once I win the lottery, I thought it would be good to already have some of it typed up and to add in my memories and commentary before things get even fuzzier in my head than they already are. I also have a serious fear of these journals being lost to a fire, flood, or general carelessness, so it would make me feel a bit better knowing some of the content is at least saved elsewhere. And who knows, maybe some poor soon-to-depart volunteer will stumble across this and find it...useful? Terrifying? Pathetic? Confirmation that they don't want to do this?

With that being said, read on.....

December 3, 2003
11:40pm - Somerville, MA

So it's official, one month until I leave, assuming my departure date hasn't changed. I am anxiously awaiting my packet of information telling me where I'm going when I leave and all of that jazz. Part of me wants it to be Philly and part of me wants it to be DC. We'll see!

I'm somehow feeling a lot less nervous and a lot more excited at the one-month-to-go mark than I was back on November 3rd. I don't know why that was, although I speculate it may have something to do with the fact that I was much more aware of the one month mark approaching than I was of the two month mark. I also think hearing from Jason [a friend who joined the Peace Corps just before me and served in Tonga*] and hearing what an amazing time he is having has put my mind at ease. Well, "put my mind at ease" being a relative term. I do feel a lot less anxious recently, so that's good. I'm getting really excited for all of the things I have going on in December like the Simon and Garfunkel concert, Megan coming to visit, NY, Martina coming, my going away party, etc. I'm excited to stop working, although I forget how much I'm going to miss all of those guys. I'm also just excited to begin this new adventure. Meeting a whole group of new and exciting people is so...exciting, and knowing that I'm probably going to meet some life long friends is so weird...knowing this, but having yet to meet them. I'm excited for the training, I'm excited for the new culture, the new language, the new people....everything. Sure, I'm scared as hell too, but as I do more research and read more, those fears are slowly diminishing, or maybe it's that my focus is changing. Either way, I'm very excited.

*Note: Anything put in brackets like this [...] is my commentary/explanations in present day and not part of the original entry.