Peace Corps Post - February 22, 2004

February 22, 2004 - Sunday
2:45pm
Boulliwel

Wow, I can't believe it's the 22nd already. I feel like February 1st was yesterday. I'm writing this from site visit and it is so weird for the first time since I've been here to be able to see the end of training in sight. Until now the three months has seemed like an eternity that would never end and I didn't know how much longer I could take class 8-5. Well, when we get back from site visit, it's week seven, and week eleven is only something like two days long. So essentially four more weeks of class. Given how fast the weeks seem to be going by (although days are slow), I'm almost worried it's going to be over before I've had time to appreciate it! I'm already getting really sad at the prospect of being really far away from most of my other trainees. I'm really excited about the ones I'll be near, but unfortunately you can't be near all 42 (or whatever # we have left).

So, onto the issues at hand. I'm officially at my site! Ahhh! Hard to believe this is where I could be living for the next two years. I have seen/experienced little to nothing of the Poole [I had no idea how to spell it] culture or even of my town, but so far I am a big fan. The area I'm in is absolutely gorgeous. There are rolling hills and a nice breeze all day. The temperature is perfect, even at high noon, and I've been told it doesn't get that much hotter during the rainy season. I imagine it will be even more gorgeous during the rainy season when things are nice and green. What do I know, though?

This has definitely been a bizarre and potentially uncomfortable experience up until this point, though. I guess I just sort of let the comfortableness go out the window, though, since it's going to be the beginning of the next two years.

This morning my counterpart basically threw me in a bush taxi [note: we had met our village-assigned "counterparts" at a "counterpart workshop" in Mamou, our first introduction to anyone from our villages] and told me he would meet me in Boulliwel. First time in a bush taxi for an extended period of time and I'm by myself, really having no idea how it works. I was on the verge of a minor panic attack, but sometimes things are just so overwhelming that you have no choice but to just go with it. Shutting down is not an option.

The taxi ride, thank god, actually ended up being a very positive experience. I got very lucky in that I was in a nice (relative term) car and I had the whole front seat to myself because I paid for two places. The driver was also very nice and educated. He had been to university and even traveled a bunch. I think he told me one of his kids is studying in France to be a doctor, so he obviously has something right going on. He was very well dressed, had a cell phone (he said he studied telecommunications), had a nice car, and was a very safe driver. So even though we had to pull over at one point because the old woman in the back was throwing up, it was still a very positive experience.

So we get to Boulliwel and he asks someone where the place he's supposed to drop me off is. They point him in the right direction and we rock up to this palace. I'm like, wow. So these people come down to meet me, but I don't think they really know who I am or what I'm doing here, and I don't know who they are or what they're doing, so it's all very awkward.

No one except one young girl speaks French at this point, adding to the communication problems. They basically motion to me to put my bags in a room, which they give me the keys for, and then they have me sit. Oh, btw, this whole house has all tiled floor, is wired for electricity, has couches and chairs in a living room with china cabinets filled with bowls and cups. This family is definitely well off. The kids are clean and well fed and well behaved! It's amazing. And it has been a normal volume level all day, which is definitely nice.

So all I know at this point is that I'm waiting for my counterpart to come and get me. I'm reading some Newsweek and am MAD tired from 3 nights in a row of not enough sleep. My counterpart didn't show up for 1.5 or 2 hours! I don't know where he was or what he was doing, but he took his own sweet time. The guy who lives here showed up and it turns out he is the president of the CRD. He was very well dressed and has been to Mecca, so it didn't surprise me that he was the president and this was his house. The house sits up on top of a hill and I have been looking out over the village and from the little I can see it looks like this place is fairly well off. I have yet to see my house, but I'm really excited to and am trying not to get my hopes up too much.

So my counterpart is talking to this family and all of a sudden is like,"do you want to stay here for the 3 nights?" Given the conversation that had just taken place between him and El Hadj who lives here, I didn't exactly get the feeling they were expecting me, but I had no idea what to do, so I was like, "sure!" This place is nice, so it was fine with me!

My counterpart then said he was going to Dalaba and would be back later. He is very good so far in that he is doing things by the book and taking care of me, so I can't complain. But basically I have been here all day being able to communicate with only one person. It's fine with me, but it would have been nice to be able to have this free time at my own place without feeling like I was barging in on a random family. Overall I can't really complain, though. I have a feeling I have a phat hookup compared to where some other people are probably staying right now. Guineans are very hospitable and I suppose with the language barrier they really couldn't make me feel any more welcome than they already have. It's been really nice, actually, being left along for an extended period of time, including by the children. I just wonder if it will be as great for 2 more days. I think tomorrow I'm going to be going around meeting people, so that should take up some time.

The PCV closest to me, Matthew, is supposed to be coming by today at some point, but it's 4:40 and he's still not here. Oh well, glad things are going well and that I'm not desperate for him to come or anything.

Well we'll see whether or not my tone changes over the next few days, but so far I feel pretty good about things. The majority of today has been pretty low key, through, so hopefully I won't get overwhelmed with the language or anything if I'm meeting a lot of people tomorrow. Wow, longest journal entry ever! I'm sure it will be rivaled by others at site when I've got this much free time all the time. I'm really looking forward to the idea of doing some fiction writing while I'm here!

Letter to London

I'm trying to clean out files on my computer and found a letter I composed to London (yes, to London) on May 20, 2010, ie before I had this blog. Can you tell I was going crazy with the stress of a lack of money/job? Enjoy.

Dear London,

Wtf? I don’t get it. I thought we had an understanding when I moved here for you that this had long term potential. I’ve given the last 20 months of my life to you and am not ready to turn my back on that. Are you willing to watch me walk away? For the first time in a long time I can see myself staying with you and being content. I think I could build a life with you and eventually look back on my youth in America with the type of affection that only comes with distance. I would say things like, “Well, yes, I was raised in the US, but England will always be home.” I would still go back to visit, but I would always come back- back home - to you.

We could be so good together!  How can you not see that? And I’m willing to make sacrifices for you. I’ve put so much effort into learning about your culture. My knowledge of your slang is fairly impressive for an American, I’m beginning to be able to pick out regional accents – heck, I even understood most of “Billy Elliot” when I saw it (for the second time) at the Victoria Palace Theatre the other night. I learned about your system of government in order to follow the recent election. I watched all of the debates and was so envious of people who were allowed to vote. If you’d just let me stay a bit longer, that could be me someday! I continue to be impressed by your public transport system, while native Londoners slag you off (<-- see that use of slang?). I stand by you, despite the fact that you are unreliable, hot, and often broken. But I make up excuses for you: you’re old (oldest in the world, in fact!), not built for this many people. Because I believe in you and I rely on you to get me to work every day.

Which brings me to my next point. I ask very little from you. I love you despite the fact that no one can just pick a side of the sidewalk and stick with it, that no one gives up their seat on the tube to the elderly, disabled, or pregnant, or that you have no original national holidays. All I ask from you is to give me a chance at a real job. Not my dream job, not even a good job, but one that is hopefully somewhat, even if vaguely, related to my intended career path. I don’t even need to make a lot of money, but I do have some financial minimums to meet: I want to be able to buy clothes when I want (not lots or expensive ones, but I shouldn’t have to save over the course of 4 paychecks to buy new socks and underwear) and I want to be able to travel. Yes, travel. I know that’s not a necessity, but it’s my one luxury. I don’t think that’s asking too much, do you?

If you don’t think you can do that for me, I would prefer you just come out and tell me rather than string me along like this. Every time I’m ready to be rid of you, you tell me it’s going to be different from now on and get my hopes up with a potential job opportunity. And as soon as my hopes are highest you dash them. Again and again and again. I hope you recognize your behaviour for what it is: abusive. Someday you’ll wake up and I’ll be gone. And you’ll find the bill for my Tier 1 post-study work visa on the kitchen table.

So think long and hard, London. Because sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

-Me

Peace Corps Post - February 16, 2004

February 16, 2004 - Tuesday
10:00pm - Gberiere

Wow, I really have so little time to write in this and I'm afraid I'm going to regret not having written much when I look back on this. Even right now I am forcing myself to do this because I am so tired and would much rather be sleeping.

I am really burnt out by this schedule. I thought about it, and this is like doing a semester of school but with less homework, more class, and less partying. Ugh, it sucks. Even though I'm scared shitless for site visit, I am so looking forward to no class for over a week and for getting away from my family for a little bit, although I'm sure the attention I get at site will be worse than the attention I get from my family.

I'm really excited about my site! I'm afraid I'm going to be disappointed when I get there because right now I am so excited. I allegedly have electricity six months a year! That would be awesome, although I wonder for what six months! I definitely have a picture in my head of what it will be like and I'm sure I'm way off, so it will be good to get a reality check before being there permanently for two years. I'm really scared about staying by myself, though, especially if there are any animals around in my place! I'm very happy with my neighbor situation, though. I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Meanwhile, back on the homestead, my host father has malaria and he has it bad. I'm actually really worried about him. Ismael took me in to see him tonight (first time I've been in the house) and he was just laying there on the bed not responding to anything. Last night he was talking like a crazy person and it was kind of scary. I don't know what to do, if anything. They all say he hasn't been to the hospital because there isn't enough money, but I feel like there are groups in the village who help out families in situations like this. Just from what they get paid to have me alone I would think would be enough to go to the hospital. What do I know, though. All I know is that it's very scary. Everyone says it's not grave [serious], but I think that's the whole "saving face" thing. It looks pretty grave to me.

Well, on that happy note, I think I'm going to try and not freak out about the mice and sleep instead. 

Peace Corps Post - February 13, 2004

Oh man, I find this entry simultaneously embarrassing and hilarious. I also found a sticky note on this entry that was just labelled "barf." Apparently that was how I categorized it in some previous read through. Let the record show: before joining the Peace Corps, my three biggest fears in life, in order, were 1) barfing, 2) needles, and 3) death.

February 13, 2004 – Friday

9:37pm

Gberiere

Well it has certainly been an eventful past 48 hours! Sheesh, where to begin? Well on Wedneday night, around 8:30, I had a major bowel movement for the first time in two days. I thought that was probably the end of it and went to bed around 10:30 or 11. I woke up around 12:30 and had to go again and felt fairly nauseous. I fell back asleep, but woke up again around 5:30am to go to the bathroom. I was feeling so nauseous that I sat outside [my hut] for a while trying to force down some rehydration salts and hoping I wasn’t going to puke. In an odd sort of way it was really nice to be up to watch this culture get moving. The sun slowly came up, I listened to the mosque, I watched my dad pray, and I heard all of the animals come to life. I started to feel better so I went back to my bed to try and sleep. Right around 6:30 or 7 I woke up suddenly feeling extremely nauseous and went outside and booted. It was so crazy how fast it happened, but even more crazy how much better I felt afterwards. Like a million bucks. It wasn’t nearly as terrible as I was fearing, but I also only did it once, so we’ll see how I feel when it happens multiple times over a short period of time.

My host parents of course flipped out in their Guinean way of doing so and asked me what I had eaten at lunch the day before, because it couldn’t have been anything they served me. My father promptly determined it was the spaghetti and even after I told him I eat spaghetti all the time at home, the whole town continues to tell me it was the spaghetti. They don’t really understand that it could have been anything.

So then I tried to tell them I didn’t want to eat anything and that I was going to try and sleep. Oooooh no. That was not happening. This culture deals with sick people quite differently than ours. Every 10 minutes someone was knocking on my door for some really important reason like to sweep my room, to tell me they’d be back, to give me food, or to ask me what was wrong. If someone wasn’t directly knocking on my door then there were seven kids outside of my hut and at least three of them were crying at the top of their lungs for extended periods of time. I was about to shoot someone.

So after getting no sleep and now moving on to severe stomach cramps stage, I went to meet the [Peace Corps] bus at 10 to go to Dubreka to hopefully get some peace and quiet. I slept for a little on a couch over there, but still felt shitty. I talked to the nurse and basically scammed my way into going back to Conakry with her to spend the night there. I did a stool sample for the first time, so that’s pretty crazy that that is something I barely flinched at. Crazy what you can adjust to over short periods of time.

When we got to Conakry the nurse, Anne, took my vitals and took some blood. All of the tests ended up coming back negative, so that was good. I then went to the Peace Corps house and met some of the current PCVs while I made my cup of noodles. Ironically enough, Jake [a friend of a friend of a friend I heard about before I left] was there, also sick, so that was kind of cool to be able to hang out some with him. There was another huge coincidence while I was there in that a PCV, Megan, put together that I was Julia M and told me that her father and brother were flying in to visit tonight and that her dad grew up with Margaret Murphy and that they were bringing over a package for me. So weird/small worldish, but pretty cool.

I then went to do some emailing. It was so great to have unlimited time! I also sent out an email with the phone number of the house on it and immediately my parents started to try and call. I ran back to the house so I was there when they finally got through. It was SOsosososo great to talk to them for an uninterrupted, extended period of time. We talked for 45 minutes and I felt like we had barely begun. I’m really glad my first phone call to them wasn’t from Dubreka where we would only be able to talk for a little while. That would have been painful, I think. It was so great to hear their voices, though, and we of course wasted phone time over dumb things like Janet Jackson in the Superbowl, but it was great. I think I was happiest to hear that it sounds like they are doing ok with me being gone. I don’t think my mom sits around a nervous wreck and they weren’t even flipped out about me being sick, so it makes me feel better to not have to worry about them worrying.

John [brother] then called later that night which was also great, but then the electricity went out so we got cut off, which sucked. Better than nothing, though. Then I was lying in bed around 11 and heard the phone ring. I debated getting it and then jumped out of bed and ran. Glad I did, because it turned out to be Biggie [friend from high school]. Of all the people to actually call me, it doesn’t surprise me that it was him, he’s always good about that kind of stuff. We only got to talk briefly, but I take what I can get around here!

Sleeping in a bed without mosquito netting was surprisingly strange. I felt very exposed. Also having a street light shining in my window all night was very bizarre. I remember thinking how dark Africa was at night at first and didn’t realize how quickly I had gotten used to it. It was great to sleep without worrying about crazy bugs in my room or people walking around and to have AC!! The bathroom two steps away was also genius.

I “slept in” until about 8:40am, the latest I’ve slept since being a PCV, and woke up to take a warm shower. It was heavenly. Then, as I was sitting around debating what to do, the phone rang and I picked up. It was Jason (another friend in the Peace Corps) calling from Tonga! We had about a four second delay and a twelve hour time difference, but it was great because he is definitely the last person I thought I would talk to on the phone over the next two years. It sounds like things are going well for him still, in the “Beach Corps,” so that was good to hear.

I went to the computer lab again and had so many emails back from people, it was great! I read them all and responded to a lot of them, so that was a weight off my shoulders. All of the emails were great and everyone seems very interested to know what I am up to! My mom basically said that all of [my hometown] ends up getting my emails, which I believe.

So I was definitely not looking forward to getting back here. Imagine my surprise when I found myself somewhat glad to be back. Coming back to this group and seeing how concerned people were about me and were really worried I wouldn’t be at the party tomorrow made me realize how close I have already become with these people and how glad I was to be back around them!

I was then dreading coming back to my host family, so imagine my even greater surprise when I was somewhat happy to see them too. They seem to have laid off somewhat, so maybe someone said something to them, but regardless, they just seemed really happy to have me back and genuinely missed me while I was gone. My father said that even my little bratty namesake kept asking when I was coming back and looking up the road for me yesterday. Kind of cute, actually.

So yeah, a lot has gone on and I feel a little overwhelmed with this rollercoaster of emotions, but at this point I still don’t want to go home, so that’s good!

Tomorrow we find out our site assignments, which really hasn’t hit home yet, I don’t think. I’m really nervous, but I don’t know why since I don’t think it will mean much to me anyway. I’m more nervous to see who I’ll be near, but I might not know them either, so who knows! It’s definitely going to be a crazy day, though, seeing as we’re having our big Valentine’s Day fete tomorrow night. 

Peace Corps Post - February 8, 2004

February 8, 2004 - Sunday
11:35am
Gbereire

I am about to lose it with my host family. As I said to Laura and Ingrid, I just can't deal with Guinea today. The fishbowl and lack of privacy is really getting to me. It started a long time ago. People are just rude and sit around and stare at everything I do, including such fascinating activities as washing my hands, writing letters, or talking to another American. I can't believe the novelty hasn't worn off yet and at this point I feel like it never will. Then I think about how this village is supposed to be broken into Americans and how it's going to be 10x worse at site.

My father constantly knowing everything that goes on with me is also so ridiculous/annoying. Talk about a lack of privacy. I feel like every day he comes up to me and is like, "I saw you at _______ doing ________" and I never even had the first clue he was around. It's like friggin' big brother over here.

I don't think I've gone to the bathroom once in the almost one month I've been here without someone knowing. During the day at least five people stare at me the whole way to the latrine and the whole way back. Good GOD is it annoying. There will also inevitably be some disgusting-ass annoying little kid calling my annoying Susu name over and over for no reason. I am definitely not keeping "Fatim" when I go to site because it annoys the crap out of me already. I basically want to kick all of the kids in the head 95% of the time. They are always around and always annoying the crap out of me. UGH!

Not being able to be in my room for more than about half an hour uninterrupted is driving me slowly insane as well. I think I'm just going to stop answering them when they knock on the door from now on when I'm resting.

I almost killed my father this morning. This is my one day per week where I can sleep past 7 and at 7:45 my dad was knocking on my door and talking to me through it. It was SO obnoxious with absolutely no point and I was so pissed off especially since I didn't go to bed until 1 last night. I was visibly annoyed and trying to look sleepy and he was like, "Ok, after you go to the bathroom then you can have breakfast!" I wanted to scream at him, I was so annoyed. And now my lack of sleep is making me mad and crabby, so I am going to take a nap.

**Hahaha. Looking back on this entry makes me laugh, even though I know how genuine my anger was. The training villages were a strange little place, especially since the families were getting paid to host us. I really don't know how I survived three months of this, as I already seem at my breaking point less than a month in.**

Peace Corps Post - February 5, 2004

February 5, 2004
10:43pm
Gbereyire

That last entry was going nowhere. I should learn my lesson and not try and write during lunch breaks with other people around and too many distractions.

Today was a pretty good day overall. We have Makan now for a language teacher and he is a lot of fun. He is mad sketchy, but his classes are a lot of fun and I learn a lot of practical stuff, so it's nice to have language class go by fast. Passy was a very good teacher and was good for learning technical things, but it was so much more structured and school-like, so I'm enjoying the change of pace.

Most of our day was spent in Dubreka at the PC office which was fine with me. Escaping the fishbowl that is Gbereyire was fine with me. My father keeps telling me random places that he saw me and what he saw me doing and for how long and I never even know he was around. It is quite creepy/annoying because I constantly have to monitor my actions in case someone is watching me, which they most likely are, and will not fail to comment on! Ugh.

So yeah, just being able to mess around all day and not have to worry about being watched by the town was a nice relief. El Haaj [a Guinean man who worked for Peace Corps and had gone to university in New Hampshire] was also there today, which was quite a trip. He came up to me and said, "You forgot you have an Uncle here!" and I asked him where he had been and he laughed [When we were introduced to him, he asked if anyone was from New England. I was the only one who raised my hand and so he "adopted" me as a niece since he has a soft spot for New England]. A few minutes later he came over and gave me 1,000 Guinean Francs!! He said something like "Uncles give their nieces things" and when I tried to give it back he wouldn't let me and just said "you're in the right family." I was shocked but thought it was so sweet and so cute and it totally made my day. I can't remember the last time 50 cents made my day. :-) Just kidding, it's obviously about a lot more than that. I'm going to try and send some candy to Conakry for him on Valentine's Day. It's about the extent of what I can do for him here!

I got my water filter to work tonight (sort of) and then just sat around having really good talks with Ismael and Albert about the serpants [snakes], so that was surprisingly fun and bonding. Tomorrow is another day!

Peace Corps Post - February 4, 2004

February 4, 2004 - Wednesday
1:24pm - Homestay

Wow, my mail luck has continued. I got another letter from my mom today and one from Alissa with pictures from Thanksgiving in it. Man does Thanksgiving seem like a long time ago! Looking at the heavy sweater makes it feel like another world away. I guess it is. The letter from my mom was really great because she sounds content with my email and in good spirits about this all. I was glad to hear that my email made Barbara Denver feel better as well [her daughter, a childhood friend of mine, was about to head off to Peace Corps Jordan]. It's really hard for me to know I won't be able to talk on the phone with my family for a long time even when I do get the chance. This is by far the longest I've ever gone without talking to my family and I think that's going to be really hard for me. The letters really are like Christmas, but it's really hard to hear about everything going on at home and not miss it.

Janny's grandmother died and she just found out last night. That sort of brought it home for me and made me realize how much it would suck but how possible it is that I might get bad news while I'm here. That would be really hard, especially to make the decision whether or not to go home. At this point, though, I'm feeling good because I think that even if I did go home, I think I would come back.

Training is HARD and I really just can't wait until it's over, but I also know that then there will be a whole new set of problems. Luckily all of the current PCVs say that training is terrible and that if we make it through this, site is a piece of cake. I sure hope so! Because at this point, training is going fine, it's just so tiring and structured that I will be quite happy to be on my own and have some more independence. I'm definitely going to miss seeing everyone everyday though, and the camaraderie. I'm really nervous/excited/anxious to find out our sites at (I think) the end of this week and who I'm going to be near!! That will be very interesting.

So although getting those letters from home today made me miss home a little, I woke up this morning feeling somewhat amazed that some of the things I thought I'd never get used to are already seeming more normal. For instance: I am now able to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night AND with cockroaches in it! That's pretty huge. And I don't turn on the flashlight at every little noise thinking it might be a bug. I still think it might be a bug, but I just don't care as much.